Begrudingly Leaving My Comfort Zone and Learning to Play with Others

As a child, the first words used to describe me were always "outgoing" or "talkative". I loved being known as the funny friend, even when it got me in trouble. It was nice to be known as someone who could make other people smile.

When I took the Myers-Briggs test my sophomore year in college, I scored as an Extrovert. No surprises there; I loved talking to new people, going to parties, etc. Making friends in new environments was never something that scared me. Years of theatre performances and experience on improv teams made me feel confident speaking in public and thinking on my feet.

As my sophomore year continued, my eating patterns took a turn for the worse. Not only did I distance myself from friends, family, and social situations altogether, but I lost my outgoing personality. If you've experienced any type of disordered eating past, you can probably relate. I ate most meals alone because it was comfortable, and giving the excuses of being too tired or having too much homework were all too easy to spew out. Who cares if I don't have any friends so long as I can eat my "safe" foods?

This past summer, I had an internship away from home for the first time. Living alone didn't scare me in the slightest; I had the freedom to cook my food to my liking, to eat when I wanted, to go about my life in whatever routine I pleased. It was safe and it was easy. I didn't keep food in the apartment that would stress me out and no one could question my eating habits. I was constantly alone yet I was never lonely. This was the dream...right?

I moved into an apartment on campus this year with three of my teammates. Despite my excitement to live with my closest friends, and to have a kitchen to cook all the meals I could never make in a dorm room, I was terrified. This would be the first time that I would have to challenge myself and to let other people into such a private part of my life. I've never been someone to advocate stepping outside of your comfort zone. Why would I step out of it? It's comfortable here, duh.

In the last month I have realized how much I missed out on over the last few years. Having a social atmosphere at my fingertips has reminded me how much I enjoy spending time with others. Instead of fighting with myself and forcing myself to enjoy being introverted, I am slowly remembering who I was before the disorder. Sure, I still love to have my alone time, but it feels wonderful to know that spending time with others isn't as scary as I thought, and that it can be much more special to have an unplanned or "scary" meal with them than it is to eat safer foods in solitude. I wouldn't say that I'm welcoming this new territory yet with outstretched arms, but uncrossing my arms and loosening a fist is good enough for now.

Healthy Eating: Dining Hall Edition

This post goes out to all my fellow college students out there. Plain and simple: eating healthy is HARD. And it gets a million times harder when you have to eat food that you have no control over, all while having to stare at buffet lines filled with mashed potatoes, greasy pizzas, fried foods galore, and ice cream sundae bars at the same time. It's taken me a long time to try and figure out how to eat healthfully in the dining halls all while still keeping in mind that moderation is key and that treating myself from time to time is important.

Here I've decided to include some of what my meals look like when I'm in the dining hall. No they are not 100% "clean" but they balance a mix of foods I enjoy with foods that are good for me.

Breakfast: Unlike most college students, this isn't my first meal of the day since I'm on the crew team and we practice at 5:20 a.m. six days a week. So usually on my way to the boathouse, I'll have a piece of fruit or a granola or protein bar of some sort. Then I'll get breakfast with my team. I mix it up either by having some plain greek yogurt mixed with cinnamon and some fruit, usually an apple or a banana, and some good old peanut butter of course. Other times I'll have some oatmeal; sometimes it's made already and other times the dining hall puts out instant packets of it. Again, with peanut butter. Lastly, I'll have cereal with soymilk (not because I'm a vegan but because I just really like the taste of it!) I mix up a bunch of cereals since I love them and douse it in milk. I don't eat this too often since I have a tendency to go a little overboard but it's definitely a favorite. Unpictured favorite meals of mine also include a bagel with some peanut butter or some toast.

Lunch: I won't lie, this meal tends to be the one I rarely eat in the dining hall. I'm just always pretty busy during the middle of the day and it's kind of a hassle to leave my dorm to go get some food so I tend to stick to eating whatever I have in my room. However, when I do venture into public, I love to go to my school's vegan/vegetarian dining hall since I'm a vegetarian and they have the BEST stuff. The second picture shows a favorite meal from that dining hall which is a Gardein chik'n cutlet, penne with spinach, some broccoli, mushrooms, and a few thick cut fries. Super delicious. The first picture includes a meal from one of the traditional dining halls where I filled up my plate with spinach and swiss chard, then topped it with a bit of pasta and pink sauce, and a small square of spanikopita.

Dinner: My school tends to have a variety of dinner options which I love. This meal also tends to be my smallest of the day since I'm less hungry as I work out in the mornings. I try and stick to having a meal mostly comprised of veggies since that's something I don't have in my room, and a few other sources of some healthy carbohydrates and proteins. Pictured first is a plate of spinach topped with a marinated zucchini and squash mix, as well as some black bean chili. On the side is a huge sweet potato; it's a great day when the dining hall has these. The second picture is some barbecued tofu, brussell sprouts, and some pasta salad/cole slaw mix. Also had some tomato soup with chips on the side.

**Note: This is NOT all I eat, not even close. I am always snacking on fruit or Quest bars or other random things. And I always, always, always, make sure to drink plenty of water. I aim for four 32oz. bottles of water a day as well as some glasses of green tea along the way.

Let me know what other posts you'd like to see from me! I'll be heading back home in just two weeks so the food I eat will definitely be changing a bit; keep your eyes peeled!