Wednesday, January 28, 2015

My One Year Transformation

One year ago I decided to make an Instagram account to hold myself accountable to staying on top of working out, eating right, and to hopefully learn how to make a pretty bowl of oatmeal. I had no idea what the next 365 days would hold in store for me. I refrained from making a post at the beginning of the month so bear with me as this might be kinda lengthy but I wanted to take a moment to reflect on this past year.

2014 was by far the toughest year of my life. This time last year I was in the absolute depths of orthorexia and was digging myself into a deeper hole every day. I spent the majority of my spring semester last year being terrified of everything, every situation that would force me to deal with an unplanned meal or possibly missing a workout. It still makes me depressed thinking about how much I missed out on and how many times I gave up making memories with friends in exchange for eating my "safe" foods alone in my room.

About halfway through the summer, I took a huge step and gave up counting macros which is by far the best decision I made for myself in the whole process. Looking back, I can see that I was still eating basically the same things every day but nonetheless, it was a step in the right direction. 

Towards the end of my fall semester, I fell back into some destructive habits (obsessive macro counting, restricting, etc.). Sometimes, and I feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way, I feel like the only way to achieve goals is to become obsessive about them and mask it as "dedication". This works for some people but all in all, it can just take over your life. 

It has taken time but eventually I just decided that enough was enough. I no longer count calories, I eat a wide variety of foods, and I am getting better at having less anxiety about skipped workouts/unplanned meals. Sure it's nerve wracking sometimes. I won't lie and say that I feel 100% free from my disorder. I believe I'll always be a work in progress. But over the past year I've really thought about the person I want to be when I'm older and I know that I'll never get there if I waste my 20s being obsessed calories and my body fat percentage. I am so unbelievably happy to have made this account because I've made some amazing friends and have gotten so much support from some pretty amazing people. I have big goals for this upcoming year and it's thanks to a lot of you guys that I feel confident in my abilities to achieve them.

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