Life Update: Intuitive Eating, Listening, and Motivation

In the mood to write today but not too sure of my purpose so we'll see where this goes.

I've been doing a lot of comparisons lately. As much as it's not all that productive to my mental health, I still am a person with insecurities and faults and wants that can never be fulfilled. And I have to wonder if there's anyone out there who doesn't look at others to justify whether they feel good about themselves on that particular day or not.

It's difficult constantly trying to catch up to people. Sometimes I feel so exhausted from spending my whole day trying to figure out if I'm eating too much or too little, if my legs are too big or too small, if I've worked out enough...basically if I've made a mistake. And all of the talk on how women compare themselves to one another talk doesn't seem to make a difference. It's impossible to ignore the other people in your life. It almost kind of sucks to be told to just move on and don't think about things because it's just not going to happen.

This past year has been difficult; I've had to pay attention to myself and figure out what makes me happy or upset and what I need every day in order to exist in peace. I've had to actually listen to my body and figure out if it's hungry or not rather than letting a number determine how I would fuel myself for the day. I've had to listen to myself and understand if I'm just being lazy or if I really do need to rest. There are days when I feel disgusted, where I feel like I deserve nothing and that I should let myself wither away. But luckily, most of the time I am able to come to terms with the fact that I have faults and I make mistakes but that's part of growing up and part of life. Learning to love myself has been so difficult but so rewarding. I still can't imagine a time in the near future when I'll be able to share my life with someone else because I simply and still trying to figure out my own life. No one really gets enough recognition for how trying it is to wake up every day and fight for your goals and treat yourself with respect because this shit is hard. It's a process but it's rewarding and wonderful all the same.